Monday, February 6, 2012

Musician Light Bulb Jokes

Musician Lightbulb Jokes

Over the years you will hear these all again and again and again.  After a little brain storming session, here is what we came up with:

Q: How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just steal somebody else's light.

Q: How many lead singers does it take to screw in a bulb?
A: One, to hold the bulb over their head while the world revolves around them.

Q: How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.

Q: How many record producers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They are waiting for you to change the lightbulb so they can tell everyone that you couldn't have done it without them. 

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They have machines to do that now.

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The Keyboard player does it with his left hand.

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

Q: How many will he say if you ask as bass player, "How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?"
A: One. Five. One. Five. One. Five.

Q: How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

Q: How many singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the diet cola and the other to get her accompanist to do it.

Q: How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

Q: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can't get up that high.

Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"

Q: How many jazz pianists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Screw the changes, we'll fake it.

Q: How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

Q: How many keyboard players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to change it, and the other three to beat back all the guitarists who are trying to elbow him out of the spotlight.

Q: How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

Q: How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.

Q: How many clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they will go through a whole box of bulbs before the right one is found

Q: How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them

Q: How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But she will break ten bulbs before she realises that they can't be pushed in

Q: How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb
A: None, sound engineers don't do lights

Q: How many oboists does it take it to change a light bulb?
A: One. But he'll have to make the lightbulb himself.

Q: How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one.  But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.

Q: How many brass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to hold it in place and two to drink until the room spins.

Q: How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??
A: What's a light bulb?

Q: How many violists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll keep breaking the bulbs with the hammer.

Q: How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??
A: None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

Q: How many bluegrass musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to complain that it is electrified.

Q: How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.

Q: How many Pianist does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four: One to light a candle and the other three to say it's better than electric light.

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